Relationship-Making

Author: Rinatta Paries

Do you know how to establish a new relationship to guarantee

that it will meet all of your and your partner's relationship

needs?

Most people don't know how to do this. As a result, most

relationships go through a predictable cycle:

=> Honeymoon: 1 week to 3 months => Struggle: Up to 3 years or

more => Negotiation and peace or breakup

To avoid this cycle and establish a nourishing relationship for

both of you, you and your partner need to have a deep, extended

conversation. It may span many discussions, perhaps over weeks

or even a month. The right time to initiate this conversation is

when it's clear to both of you there is mutual interest and both

of you are ready to go further. However, it is never too late to

have this conversation, even if you have been together for years.

Cover the following topics in this conversation:

* What you expect from each other, or from a "relationship

partner" on the emotional, mental and everyday levels.

* What actions, words and feelings each of you needs from the

other, or from a "relationship partner" in order for both of

you to thrive.

* What you and your partner refuse to tolerate in a relationship

and from a "relationship partner".

While having this conversation, it is important that you both

listen to each other intently, frequently paraphrasing what the

other person is saying.

You want to make sure there is mutual understanding. You both

will want to reflect on what is being said by sharing your

thoughts and feelings. However, under no circumstances do you

want to react to each other or make each other wrong for what is

being said. Remember that each of you has a right to your own

view of what is needed and desired in a relationship.

If in the end you both decide you have enough in common to

pursue the relationship further, you will need to negotiate how

the relationship is actually conducted. You will need to agree,

disagree or negotiate to uphold the verbalized parameters in

your relationship.

I know this probably sounds very unromantic, almost artificial.

But believe me, this is how the best relationships are created.

The two of you are much better off entering a relationship with

your eyes open, knowing what is expected of you, what you can

expect in return, what you can count on from your relationship.

This extended conversation allows for the absence of power

struggle. It fosters harmony and ease of being together. It will

give the two of you the rare opportunity to establish deep

intimacy.

Your Relationship Coach, Rinatta Paries www.WhatItTakes.com

(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2002. Do you know how to attract your

ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship,

or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach

Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to

attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit

www.WhatItTakes.com where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice

and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"

About the author:

With nearly a decade of relationship coaching experience, Master

Certified Coach Rinatta Paries works with singles to help them

attract their ideal relationship, and helps couples create more

love and fulfillment in their existing relationships. Visit her

web site at www.WhatItTakes.com or e-mail her at

coach@WhatItTakes.com